Thursday, December 20, 2007

Umm, Why Are You Telling Me This??

Well, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, and that's the honest truth. Really, I think I'm documenting this for me, and not really caring about whether anyone ever reads this blog or not. For my friends and family, this topic becomes pretty boring after a bit, but it's such a major topic in my own brain, I constantly think about it, and try to plan out how to make Sydney's problem better so that she can move forward and lead a happy, secure life.

Not everyone is as fascinated with rehabilitating my Rogue Dog (OK, so I tease and call her bad names) as I am. I've always been excited about training dogs, and love seeing the "lightbulb" moment when a dog really, really gets it. I've never had a dog that started out semi-normal become reactive, insecure, "Me Tarzan" (as Jean Donaldson would likely label Syd) dog. So, I want to be able to reassure myself, go back and read about the bad days when I think this day must be the worst. And I also want to be able to remember the good days, so that I know that there are surely more of those to come.

I think also, maybe there are others who are in the same situation, you hear whispers, and feel the need to defend certain things. So, I find myself a broken record: "No, she does not have a bad temperament" and "No, she's not actually aggressive, she's terrified" and "Yes, she was socialized and she came from a reputable breeder, a carefully planned breeding." Most of the time when I am suffering from embarrassment that Syd put on an ugly face I just wish that she would act the way she really feels. I think that if my little dog were to whimper and urinate and run to hide behind me, that would almost be easier for me to handle. At least then I would not have to be explaining the difference between "Aggression" and "Reaction" to everyone we meet. And while I'm typing it out, can I just say that I think the word aggression is so over-applied to any situation where a dog doesn't slobber all over himself to play with another dog?

Mostly, I have all these thoughts in my head, and I worry that each day will melt into another, and I won't be able to keep track of whether Syd is making progress or not. Whether I'm helping her or screwing her up. So I type when I can, and it makes me feel better. You can read or not read, it won't hurt my feelings. And I'm certain that it won't be very exciting for people who aren't interested in the daily details of my little dog's problems. Very few people are! Well, actually, it's probably just me, and that's OK. :-) If you are here and reading, that's great, welcome to my world.

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